WEEK 3 -- Community, Mindfulness, Finding My Rhythm

3 weeks in, so I thought I'd update the blog. Of course, I'm still getting used to this new routine: getting up at the crack of dawn, heading to the gym before work. It has gotten easier. I now wake up at 5:45am and I eat half a cereal bar on my way to the gym. I need to plan this better. I wouldn't be surprised if I eventually start waking up at 5:40am to make a piece of toast or a scrambled egg before going to my training session.

Really, now that I'm 3 weeks in, getting up at this hour to sweat is much easier that I thought.

I've stuck to the same routine I established in my last post. I prep everything the night before -- sports bra, shoes, headphones, playlist, water, deodorant, hair tie -- and then I wake up, put on my shoes and go. What I'm finding is this routine MAKES the workout happen. If I don't prep the night before, it's not going to happen, so even if I just want to collapse after work, I still set out my water, plug in my phone, put my shoes next to the door. 

I also decided to work with a personal trainer. At first, I just wanted to start a cardio routine so I wouldn't be so depressed and sludgy at work...then I realized I had a few personal trainer sessions leftover from a package I bought back in 2017...and then I thought this:

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” ~Albert Einstein

...so I bit the bullet, invested some serious $$ and got myself a personal trainer.

Patience and Mindfulness

Now that I am a bit older and wiser, I find that losing weight has taken on new meaning for me. I am no longer looking at a scale. In fact, last week I went to step on my bathroom scale and in a random twist of irony, it was broken and wouldn't read! So I didn't bother fixing it. I just let it be.

Now this is what I focus on instead:

1) Am I happier?

2) Am I more energetic?

3) Am I more flexible?

4) Do I feel more confident?

5) Am I less stressed out at work?

6) Am I having fun?

7) Can I sustain this? (if the answer is "no," do something sustainable!)

My priorities have shifted. "Breaking" the scale forced me to focus on other ways to measure my health. And this process is so much BETTER! Society -- our mothers, the patriarchy, whoever -- tells us we should weigh a certain amount for our height/body type/etc. But how we FEEL about our bodies and IN our bodies -- we don't talk about that enough! Not having a scale forced me to turn away from society and only think about myself. I think that kind of intense self-focus is necessary to reach any sort of fitness goal (and, to be honest, ANY long-term, difficult goal.)

Now I'm experiencing a shy, cautious, beautiful introduction to my body. I am 29 years old and I am only just starting to live inside my own body. This personal fitness journey is not just about weight-loss. It's about reconnecting with who I am -- and who I lost during the Bad Times. (I think we all know how that feels.)

In the past, I saw dieting and working out as a punishment because I was "fat." I guess I used to think that "fit" people looked down on the rest of us. I had my reasons for being judgmental. My mother and my experience working in the fashion industry all led to a very bad image of the "fitness" community. But now I am meeting new people and relearning some of those old, black-and-white ways of thinking. In the end, we are all just individuals trying to make our way through this terrifying world, and pursuing a healthy lifestyle is better than, say, succumbing to drug abuse or stealing or being a generally nasty person. I show love to myself by working out and by eating right. It took me 29 years to realize that.

At this point in my journey, the lesson is patience. Consistency. Do the small things every day. Log the food. Show up to my training sessions. Listen to my body. Learn my rhythm. 

The lesson is also community. Ask for help. Seek friends and support. Find inspiration. Keep motivated. Keep loving on myself and on the world.

It feels really good, and it isn't very hard, so I know I can sustain it. I know this is right for me and for my body, and especially for my mind and soul. So I will continue!